a pain to remember

it had been far too long since i even think of writing here. but suddenly today, i cant help it but.

how can a day make so much different. yesterday I had lunch sharing, today i had lunch alone. yesterday i prayed as a ma'mum, today i prayed alone. yesterday yesterday yesterday.. woke up today with a big denial and a heavy pain, convincing myself of your presence..

being strong is tiring. and smiling become a job instead of an expression. and the countdown starts all over again.

truly, i miss home.

i thought by time, things will be easier. God how i am wrong. things are harder. may be i become more mature in time, may be i grow up with rotation of the sun. but no one can deny that, however old you are. you have feelings.

im not sure what to write anymore because im just having a burst of emotion. denial. pain. love. empty. blessed. sad.

with all the confusion.