the epiphany

It has been days since the tab of 'New Post' was opened and I see it every day yet I couldn’t bring myself to write anything. To be honest, I felt like I lost myself somehow. Every day I would be sitting there studying and put up a brave act, and still, go to bed with tears.

Pray everyday for strength and guidance, for hikmah and patience. And He knows best. He didn’t create human to be alone as He knows we human need each other. So after a week, and a lot of tears, I dialled their numbers. Talked to my dad, talked to my mom. When I finally told them about the hole in my heart, the longing feeling that I had, I felt relieve. Not to say everything is better by the second, but half of it went away. The one particular thing that stuck on my mind is

the harder the journey is, the greater reward He will grant.

O Allah, forgive me for the time I were away from You, forgive me forgive me forgive me. And Lord, thanks for giving me such great parents to guide me to You.

‘ And for those who fear Allah. He (ever) prepares a way out. And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if anyone puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish His purpose; verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion’

(65: 2-3)

p/s daddy, happy happy birthday to you. Words can’t describe what I have in my mind and in my heart. Love you mommy and daddy!

My Superman and Superwoman

SUPERWOMAN
at the first sight, you might think she is strict and serious. the truth, she is! :) but, on top of that, she is just a great woman :D she never fails to make us laugh, together, despite of whatever people might say. seeing her talking to that little kid, somehow i can see the love radiating so strongly. at times you might not see it, but the love and care she has for us, just sky high. the strength that she possess, won't give you any clue about the hidden back ache, or ear ache. within all the limitation, she always get things done, thoroughly.

I remember one time, we had hamsters as pets. she didnt really approve it. but she was the one who put the blanket on the hamsters when it was raining and cold outside.

she always make sure, however short or hectic my holiday is (even when she is not feeling well ) that I have all what I need and what I want. She asked me ' what else you want to eat before going back to India?' at that time, I became speechless, trying to swallow my tears. once, she wasn't feeling well and we arrived home very2 late (we barely had 3 hours sleep before I had to go to the airport for India ) and when I wake up, there it is, the thing I had been looking for all holiday, placed in my luggage.

she was so understanding when I told her about my feelings. supportive too :) i was so nervous before i told her, thinking too much as i always do, but when i told her and she is so open and understanding... :D and nowadays, I share with her, almost everything :)

MY SUPERMAN
his patience, you will never know his worry, pain nor sadness in his face. he might be carrying 2-3 heavy luggage and yet, not a single word of complain came out of his mouth. masyaAllah I wish I have patience as much as he does. with his constant date with Him in the morning, I'm sure that is how he got it :)

he never stop putting smiles on us, even on her :) even years passed by, thinking about those moments, always bring back smile on my face. at times, other people might not understand why we are laughing, but who cares! we know and we laugh :)

his advices may be strict, he is very particular about our prayer and relationship with Allah, but when it comes to daily life, he always has fun with us. you can talk to him about anything, from opinion on what to present to my mad'u, marriage, to the latest gadget in the market.

regardless of his education or his occupation, I always see him 'backstage' at neighbors' walimah washing the dishes. he also wasnt afraid or shy ( like any of his kids will ) promoting boldly about Palestine at night market.


together, they perfectly complete each other. i cant even describe in words how they are meant for each other :)

one particular period of time, when my eyes were opened wide of their love to me, was when I was in Klang. ( yes, it might be a black history of me giving up on something, but that period of time made me who i am today ) i will never forget the daily call i made, daily letter i wrote and the almost-every-weekend trip they made for me, all the way. since then, alhamdulillah, I always see their love regardless of the situation.

im not saying all these because their are my parents. im saying this because they are truly my SUPERMAN and SUPERWOMAN. thanks Allah for giving me such wonderful parents, and thanks mom and dad, for loving me so much! im sorry if i were not the best kid, but i promise (to myself and to you) that i will always always try my best to be a solehah daughter.

p/s : cant forget the warmness of their hugs, the smiles on their face.
pp/s : still in that homesick phase

heart deals

the way Allah bestows His Love upon us :

Say, "If you should love Allah , then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful." (3:31)

Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds - the Most Merciful will appoint for them affection. (19:96)

“When Allah loves a person, He calls out to Jibreel: ‘Allah loves So and so,’ so Jibreel loves him. Then Jibreel calls out to the people of heaven, ‘Allah loves So and so, so love him.’ So the people of heaven love him and he finds acceptance on earth" [Al-Bukhaari (3209) and Muslim (2637)]

how? another Love that He bestows upon us, His LOVE LETTER to us. He guides us every single way :D

who are those whom Allah loves?
1. the charitable
"...and do good (to others) ; surely Allah loves the doers of good" (2:195)

2. the repentant
"...Truly Allah loves those who turn to Him in repentance” (2:222)

3. the righteous (Taqwa)
“...Surely, Allah loves al – Muttaqeen. " (9:4)

4. the believer ( Al-Mutawakileen)
“...Allah loves those who put their trust in Him.” (3:159)

5. Al-Muqsiteen (Justice)
“...Verily, Allah loves those who acts justly.” (5:42)

6. the patient ( As-Sabirun)
“...And Allah loves As-Sabirun (the patient).” (3:146)

7. the struggler
" Truly Allah loves those who fight in His Cause in battle array, as if they were a solid cemented structure. " (61:4)


He, The Almighty, has unlimited Love . thus, we should (anyone in their right mind) work to gain His Love. for nothing is more important than being loved by Allah.

wallahu'alam

p/s lets rush towards His Love ;)

the tie

picture credit to http://www.warehousesuitsalela.com

day in day out, we see a lot of human wearing fancy tie to work, to school, for meeting, for leisure etc. various color, design, material, even differing length and tying technique. with simple yet complicated steps, people tie their ties around their neck, wear them with pride.

on the other hand, we can see iman as a tie. worn by people each day, with various strength, attitude, differing level and faith. we can't see literally one's iman like their tie, but if we look deeper, we can see how people wears it. so, what is iman?

Among the things which Jibril asked the Prophet was: “Tell me about 'Iman (Belief).”

The Prophet sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam said:

"أَنْ تُؤْمِنَ باللهِ وَمَلاَئِكَتِهِ وَكُتُبِهِ وَرُسُلِهِ واليَوْمِ الآخِرِ وَتُؤْمِنَ بالقَدَرِ خَيْرِهِ وَشَرِّهِ"

It means: “To believe in Allah, His Angels, His Revealed Books, His Messengers, the Last Day, and to believe in destiny (qadar)--both good and evil.” Narrated by Muslim.

notice the way Rasulullah explain what is iman? He replied in order of priority, the most important matters of the belief.

the word IMAN is used in two ways :
a) to refer to the aqidah of the muslim, which never goes up and down but is constant
b) to refer to the motivation, or rather, the awareness one has of Allah in their life. This goes up and down with emotion/environment

so, with daily routine, people around, our iman goes up and down like the tie tied short and long. which at time, worries us. how are we calling ourself a true muslim when our iman is like a roller coaster ride? hold on a minute and lets reflect back thro history, even the sahabah experienced this.

From Hanzalah al-Usayyidee, radiyallahu `anhu, who said:

“Abu Bakr met me and asked: How are you O Hanzalah? I replied: Hanzalah is guilty of hypocrisy! He said: Free is Allah and far removed from all defects! What are you saying? I said: When we are with Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, and he reminds us of the Fire and Paradise it is as if we are seeing it with our own eyes. Then when we depart from Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, to attend to our wives, children and our business, then much of this slips from our minds. Abu Bakr said: By Allah we also experience the same. So I went with Abu Bakr until we entered upon Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam. I said: When we are with you, you remind us of the Fire and of Paradise and it is as if we are seeing it with our eyes. Then when we depart from you and attend to our wives, children and business then much of this slips from our minds. So Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, said: By Him in whose Hand is my soul if you remained continually as you are when you are with me and in remembering (Allah) then the angels would shake hands with you upon your beds and upon your roads. But O Hanzalah, (there is) a time for this and a time for that, (there is) a time for this and a time for that, (there is) a time for this and a time for that.

[Muslim, no. 6623]

as a human, as an insaan, we will always bound to this. As Rasulullah said 'Al-Iman Yazid wa Yankus'. but that is not an excuse for us just to let surrounding determine where and how is our iman. look how the sahabah were so worried when they realized it. how concern they are about their iman. the sahabah placed an amazing example on this matter. flip thro their history, and make note of what we can do to improve ourself.

day by day we should notice what increase and what decrease our iman. and at times we might be lost in the daily routine that we forgot to check how our ties is worn. the best way to recharge our iman is by reading His Love Letter :)

The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, their hearts become fearful, and when His verses are recited to them, it increases them in faith; and upon their Lord they rely - 8:2

with more knowledge and iman, we should be more humble and strive for Him. be careful of the disease of heart - takabbur. we should remember nothing is definite for us. we can't confidently declare that 10 years from now, we will still be in iman, and we will still be working for Him. for takabbur is a sign of iman is decreasing.

And never say of anything, "Indeed, I will do that tomorrow," Except [when adding], "If Allah wills." And remember your Lord when you forget [it] and say, "Perhaps my Lord will guide me to what is nearer than this to right conduct." 18 : 23-24

so my dear friends, lets take few minutes out of our day, try to check our iman today. is our iman today is sick, or is it healthy? is it dieing or pink in health? lets recharge our iman towards Him, and always make duaa and pray for Allah grant us everlasting iman, today, tomorrow, till the day we close our eyes. pray to Him as He is The Almighty, The Creator, as He who hold our heart.

أللهم يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلوبنا على دينك وعلى طاعتك

p/s lets always check what 'tie' we are wearing, lets make sure it is as colourful as Islam, as wonderful as Iman, and as neat as Ihsan

wallhu'alam