Sunday, July 13, 2014

heavy heart

dh lama sgt tak menulis. tp hati terasa berat, sedih sgt.
tahu sini bukanlah tempat yg patut utk bercerita.

feeling down for days now.
smiling to feed the blindness of people.
while everything inside is in vain.

feeling empty.
trying to make sense of things.
end up with nothing but confusion and pain.

sorry for my imperfection.

and i go to sleep with tears again tonight.

Saturday, March 01, 2014

a pain to remember

it had been far too long since i even think of writing here. but suddenly today, i cant help it but.

how can a day make so much different. yesterday I had lunch sharing, today i had lunch alone. yesterday i prayed as a ma'mum, today i prayed alone. yesterday yesterday yesterday.. woke up today with a big denial and a heavy pain, convincing myself of your presence..

being strong is tiring. and smiling become a job instead of an expression. and the countdown starts all over again.

truly, i miss home.

i thought by time, things will be easier. God how i am wrong. things are harder. may be i become more mature in time, may be i grow up with rotation of the sun. but no one can deny that, however old you are. you have feelings.

im not sure what to write anymore because im just having a burst of emotion. denial. pain. love. empty. blessed. sad.

with all the confusion.

Thursday, August 29, 2013


A long due post I'm sure. I'm not writing this for others, but I want to carve the garden within me ^.^

Staring at the hotel ceiling, I can feel the warm beads of water trickling down my cheeks. Not out of sadness, but gratitude InsyaAllah

Lots of thing happened in these short few months. The amount of Allah's blessing received drives me speechless and shocking enough, subhanallah, He is indeed, The Most Gracious Most Merciful. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah

Let's go stepwise and praise Allah along the way ;)

Alhamdulillah, I survived final year, with a little too much easement. Cliche? Nope! He was there the whole way, guiding and helping me endlessly. I'm not saying final year it's a walk in the park, but He made it livable. At times I feel suffocated with the pressure all around, but soon after, there is the sun, brighter than ever.

Subhanallah Wa bihamdihi subhanallah hil a'zim. I passed my final exam with tremendous amount of His love. I could never ever imagine the outcome better than what He had given me. With all the hassles between books and planning, my mind is blown away by the result, honest. That moment when my friend whatsapp me picture of the result, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Lots of thanks to my parents and siblings for all the support throughout this tough 4 years! This one is for you - Umi and ayah!!

not to forget, Dila, thanks! you had been such a wonderful friend throughout! and thanks for cooking everyday during my exam time!!! cant thank you enough :') thanks dear, may Allah repay you with His Jannah!

And and and. Alhamdulillah, thank You Allah. The ceremony and the walimah went smoothly. Yes, I've change my status alhamdulillah. For this, I thank my Umi and ayah for making this possible. Was quite sudden, no no, was so sudden hihi. Thanks much for being so supportive, for arranging everything and mostly, for loving me endlessly. Words can't describe how much I love you two :') Not to forget, thank you abi and Umi for everything :) feel deeply blessed alhamdulillah.

For those who had been asking me
 about how I known my husband and how we've met and blablabla, to be honest, not really sure how to answer those questions. And those who asked for pictures, please do message me personally because I'm not a big fan of uploading pictures to public :) and thanks all for the wishes and duaa. Please pray for us!

In a week, I got two titles - Mrs and Dr. alhamdulillah

So, that's most of it. Lot more to share but have to run. Got to go play in the rain, not that I got to do out everyday kan hihi. It's pouring rain here in Seoul. Still waiting for it to stop so I can walk around :)

Thursday, June 06, 2013

final countdown

this is it.

the dreading 4 years leading to this moment. it is nerve wrecking, but at the same time, I'm looking forward to it. why? eheh, not going to say it now, may be when the result is out :) 8 subjects, 1 month.

I hope I'll survive this. and I sincerely pray, O Allah, please help me, guide me, ease the way.

do pray for me yeah!

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

sweet Honey


shocking enough, i'm out of word the moment I wanted to write this post.

to my dearest Hanisah,
you are one great friend. I'm indeed blessed to know you and the fact that we are BFF (till Jannah insyaAllah) just blows me away.

come to think again on how we started our friendship, it was a funny position. but even back then, when I was alone in that depressing (well, for me kan? hihi) land, you were there for me. all those letters we mailed (including those written DURING exam lol), the phone calls, and dates we had together, always always make me smile.

yes, we dont share as much moments as people might think. and we dont spend as much time as we want to. but to be honest, I cherish each second because somehow, you always know what so say, or what to do, and how to make me love you even more ;) and even when we are miles away, (and the countless failed phonecalls lol) that never push us apart.

I still remember the tears when you told me you are getting married. I was so over the moon happy for you. the realization of my sad luck that I couldn't be with you on your special day was a spoiler. and I know you know we both wish that I will be there for you.

my deepest apology for my absence. but dear, I promise you I wish nothing more but Allah's blessing showers you here and hereafter. may Allah guides the bait muslim you are building. and and and, to your husband-to-be, please do take good care of her and make her fall in love with Allah every day!

Baraka Allahu Lakuma wa baraka alikuma wa jamaah baina kuma fee khair

darling, be a good wife, be a great wife, be extraordinary, be magnificent!

p/s I love you.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

3 weeks marathon

-ok, gambar buruk hihi-

not sure what to write, but it was shocking and moving at the same time, how blessed I am by the strength and guidance from Him. thank You Allah for the smooth sail of 3 weeks. preparation for the upcoming battle - Final exam!

will put up the schedule soon as i had promised my brother lol. btw, syafakallah!! cepat sembuh yeee ;)

~ Life can throw me curve balls, lemons or a big rock, for all I know, I will light up my cannon and hit it harder each time. because. I have Allah in my life ~

Thursday, May 16, 2013

3 months

I can't believe I am where I am today.
Mark the ground I'm standing now.
For it is an achievement of dignity.
Alhamdulillah, All Praises due to Allah.

I'm strong. I can do this *tears roll down the cheeks*
I believe this time, it signifies my strength.
It represents something bigger.
Alhamdulillah, All Praises due to Allah.

I whisper to my little heart - I sincerely hope last Ramadhan will bring wonderful light to this coming Ramadhan, insyaAllah!

اللهم بارك لنا فى رجب وشعبان وبلغنا رمضان
 Allahumma barik lana fi Rajab wa Sha'ban wa balighna Ramadhan